You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
