So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
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