I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
