What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
