Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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