ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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