Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
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