I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
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