btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
