but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
