My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
