Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
