is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
The adults are the big ones right?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
