I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
