I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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