anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
