in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
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