Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
