yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
My ATM looks so different sober.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
