The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
