Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
