when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Did we literally take a cab across the street
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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