I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize