I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Randomize
