i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
