How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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