Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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