..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
