Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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