So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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