i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
do herpes really smell.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
