We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize