if only i could text you this smell
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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