What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
