So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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