The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
