You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
