I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
