Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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