Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
