Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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