They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alive.
So much puke
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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