Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize