Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
