I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
