My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
