she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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