i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i may or may not be watching the land before time
they need to just BURY HIM!
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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