i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
