it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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