I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Randomize
