I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
