I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
