please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
