found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
