My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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