Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
