i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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