You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
