I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
