dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
