I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
