I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
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