Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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