She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
