JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
