if i can run in heels then i can drive
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
