I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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