Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
