Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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