Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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