i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
