Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
