dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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