The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
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