Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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